English Version | Fake it till you make it

Life is full of boring things. Having to fake an orgasm shouldn't be one of them. Realize if you suffer from anorgasmia, better known as Female Orgasm Disorder. It's not always all boredom and it's not always frigidity.

For some reason unknown to us until today, when the universe decided to create the female sex it thought it would be good to put a resilience stamp on it - women have PMS and then menstruate, give birth, and then breastfeed (only those who have breastfed know about these unspeakable pains? As if this were not enough, when the subject is sex, what for men happens as naturally as a sigh, for many women what happens instead of a well-deserved moan of pleasure is a performance worthy of an Oscar. Faking an orgasm is more common than you think. Data revealed by the market research company, Hibou, in a survey entitled "Female Pleasure", showed that more than 79% of women had faked an orgasm. Of this total, 64% are in a relationship and 97% have already started their sex life. According to the same study, 42% of women state that they usually have difficulties reaching orgasm. The justifications for this are between ending the act right away (53%), pleasing their partner (30%), avoiding explanations (17%), and embarrassment (15%). It was also found that 10% of women resolve their sexual issues with themselves and that it is "fine the way it is." "Female Orgasm Disorder (also known as anorgasmia) can have a multifactorial cause, meaning it can stem from physical factors, psychological factors, or a combination of both. The most common physical factors of anorgasmia are hormonal problems (for example, low levels of testosterone or thyroid hormones); side effects of some medication (for example, antidepressants or antihypertensives); it can also be associated with pelvic nerve damage or spinal cord injuries, radiotherapy treatments, diabetes, multiple sclerosis, heart disease, among others. As for psychological factors, the most common are performance anxiety, depression, stress, relationship problems, lifestyle changes, previous sexual traumas, or other emotional problems", says Fernando Eduardo Mesquita, psychologist, clinical sexologist, and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) psychotherapist. I ask about the diagnosis: since there are "days and days", what is the line that separates anorgasmia, the disorder, from, for example, what could be just a "phase" in which the woman is "not that turned on" to sexual pleasure? The psychologist and sexologist consider as a warning the moment in which the difficulty in reaching orgasm (when there is adequate sexual stimulation) begins to occur persistently and recurrently, for a minimum period of six months, and if it still causes considerable discomfort. And he adds: "However, it is important to point out that sexual response varies from person to person. and can also be influenced by factors such as age, health, medication, lifestyle, emotional state, and the quality of the love relationship (if any). Therefore, it is normal to find variations in the ability to achieve orgasm at different stages of life."

Although not all women who have ever simulated an orgasm suffer from this disorder, anorgasmia is one of the most common sexual dysfunctions in women. According to Fernando Eduardo Mesquita, "There is no consensus regarding its prevalence, with studies pointing to values between 5% and 15% of women. As for age [this disorder] can affect women of all ages, although it is more common in younger women (under 30)." Pleasure, according to the Priberam dictionary, is defined as a "pleasant feeling that something brings forth in us; delight, enjoyment, delight; liking, desire; joy, contentment; goodwill, liking; distraction, amusement." If there were any doubt, it is the same as saying that not to feel pleasure in a sexual relationship is not to have the right to that "pleasant feeling" and all the other adjectives that qualify pleasure. And the consequences of this dysfunction can go even further: "Any sexual difficulty, including anorgasmia, can affect several areas of a person's life, such as emotional state (for example, increased stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem); the quality of the relationship (for example, an increase in the couple's sense of frustration with intimacy) and the decrease or absence of sexual pleasure," says the sexologist. Going back to the study conducted by Hibou and cited above, the research coordinator, Ligia Mello, observed that there is a perception that society still has great power regarding female sexuality: "Many women put their partners ahead of their sexual interests and seek to please the other." In the survey, it was revealed that 30% of women are not satisfied with their sex life. As a cause, a large part of them blames the routine (43%) and the schedules and mood (32%). In addition, the frequency of intercourse (41%) and the fulfillment of fantasies (5%) are unsatisfactory for the women interviewed. The frequency of sexual intercourse is, on average, once a week for 51% of the women.

The study also concluded that 63% of women would like to have more frequent sexual intercourse and, among these, 51% believe that daily life consumes the couple's time, being the main reason for having less sexual intercourse than they would like to have. Finally, 24% of the women interviewed claim to have lost interest in leading a sexually active life, and 13% state that problems in relationships problems influence sexual relations. Regarding masturbation, 71% of the women affirm that they masturbate and reap the benefits of the practice, such as self-knowledge and relief from stress and accumulated tensions. For them, reaching orgasm is easier, so much so that 96% claim to have orgasms through masturbation. Although it is a healthy practice, among the 29% who do not practice it, 62% do not feel comfortable, 9% consider it wrong, and 7% do not feel pleasure. It is worth emphasizing that masturbation is not an action to be ashamed of and is medically indicated. As for the treatment or even the cure for anorgasmia, besides the obvious follow-up from a clinical sexology specialist, it is also important to try to change your lifestyle: for example, "improve your diet and practice physical exercise, explore new forms of sexual pleasure (including masturbation and the use of sex toys), communicate with your partner about what gives you more sexual pleasure and what your sexual needs are", points out Fernando Eduardo Mesquita. In cases of medical conditions such as diabetes, hormonal disturbances, and cardiovascular diseases, the sexologist stresses the importance of seeking medical help for an adjusted follow-up. In a scenario where a woman is, for example, taking an antidepressant, whose side effects often include decreased libido, Mesquita says it's crucial not to be ashamed and to talk to the doctor who prescribed the respective medication about its impact on sexual response to find alternatives, such as replacing the medication, adjusting the dosage or taking an adjuvant treatment. "Sexual pleasure is a basic right," argued, 2017, the then president of the World Association for Sexual Health and professor at the University of Porto, Pedro Nobre, after he was elected president of the WAS - World Association for Sexual Health. Five years later, the road to the right to sexual pleasure continues to be paved. A new study, whose first data analysis allowed for a preliminary report, unveiled March 2023, characterizes "sexual pleasure as a complex experience that goes beyond orgasmic experience." The Sexual Pleasure Study is the result of work developed by researcher Patrícia M. Pascoal, in collaboration with sexologist Marta Crawford, founder of Musex - Pedagogical Museum of Sex, and Tiago Sigorelho, president of Associação Gerador. For now, the first conclusions reflect the answers of 1624 people, between 18 and 83 years old, who answered the survey until February 23rd. From the preliminary sample, most of them identify themselves as women (63%) and heterosexual (78%), and about 63% are in monogamous relationships, although some assume extra-marital relationships and consensual non-monogamous relationships. The report concludes that sexual pleasure "is characterized as an intensely emotional, psychological and relational experience, framed by previous experiences and by the way individual characteristics can express themselves in current life contexts." This coming August 8 marks the International Day of Female Orgasm intending to create awareness about female sexuality and women's right to pleasure. Celebrating ephemerides is wonderful, but wouldn't it be much better if the date in question were celebrated... in practice? On behalf of all women suffering from anorgasmia, let's hope so. Oh, si! Si! Si!

Originally translated from The Pleasure Issue, published May 2023.Full stories and credits on the print issue.